guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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