I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
