this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
