Say something about gay babies.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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