I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
