just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How external is "for external use only"?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
