I didn't shave. On purpose
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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