Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
