just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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