Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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