think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
