Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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