everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
