i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
