She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i love accidental penises.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize