Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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