My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
