my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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