i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
