The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize