I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
