Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
