I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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