There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
