I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
