Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Im part way to drunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
