When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
