so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
