I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
