I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will be naked everywhere
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
