i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
