I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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