My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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