Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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