I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
