I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
