There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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