We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Two words: blizzard sex
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize