So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
how drunk are you?
Several
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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