Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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