When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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