I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I enjoy the company of your penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize