...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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