ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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