Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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