i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
