Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
