Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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