All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
