I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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