no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
