He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
