I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
