so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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