I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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