I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
