I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
