we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize