Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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