sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
