I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize