Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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