Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
