What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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