The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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