if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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