This girl is more easily done than said...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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