So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
