We got so high we made milksteak
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
