and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
