I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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