cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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