I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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