They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
