There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
