This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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