If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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